Thank You and STFU morons

On behalf of my-sane-self, i would like to thank every comments received for the past few days, it did help me to cope with my current situation. This month is going to be hard for me and the rest of my close family, but we've been through hell before, hope we can make it through this time too.

As what Ornest wrote in his comment in my previous post "The most important thing is to forgive and let go...". I have forgiven her, in fact i never blame her. During this hard time, she has made me realize that the love between family should be unconditional, regardless of your wrongdoings. Like they say "Susah senang, family will always be there". One positive gain so far.

Negative one..hmm..I've seen the bad side of some of my moron-distant-family members since long time ago,and as predicted, THEY DID IT AGAIN! ; they wasted ZERO money on us, yet they act like they are the one who raises us. They get over react, and start cursing as if they're God. These morons go to church every sunday, mind you! Funny thing is, they always talk behind us, never do it in front. Pussy! Just so you know, these people juga lah yang abused me mentally when i was 10-12! Well, that'll be another unreveal story lah. You wouldnt want to know what they've said to me, trust me.

My DAD, bapa kandung, biological dad, the one who raises us with his OWN money, NEVER act like they did, as what i've seen so far lah. Dad's logic mind is greater than his emotions, a great man indeed. As long as dad keep himself compose, and keep loving us that's more than enough. The babi babi sekalian, who is suppose to be FAMILY (ptuiiihhh!!!) can booked their tickets straight to hell by keep saying bad things behind us, curse her, curse me yang they claimed as kurang ajar, and God knows the upcoming ones .I f-ing seriously DONT CARE. Another positive gain,during this time i realize the people who stand by my side. Words cant describe how grateful i am to have you people in my life. I always know i'm blessed in so many ways, and the presence of you people, are just too awesome for me. Thank you very much.

I know now i can move on, and be happy. *And those who know me in real life, stop asking me why why why why for shit sake. I dont feel like sharing my personal things to you lah, respect that! *

lalalalalala

This condition might be the consequences of various feelings which come in bundle (in 3 days,mind you)..If few days ago i was so merry like santa, and yesterday was so down, today i am amuse..of myself! haha. Macam ayat orang gila pula bah ada konflik perasaan. Atau adakah saya mencipta konflik perasaan sendiri nih? lols. Some say,time will heal everything, which i dont agree a pinch. Let say in a chemical reaction, we need two reactants to produce one product (assume this is an ideal reaction, no side product). In order to shift the reaction to favoring the product, we need catalyst to increase the reaction rate. However catalyst wont be consume during the reaction,if it comes in 1 mol, then out will be 1 mol too. This is how catalyst and time (as per context) is connected; We can put in as many catalyst as we want to increase/decrease the rate but at the end of the reaction, the quality of the product depends strongly on reactant, which is in this case is the human lah. Funny when us, humans keep on relying on time to mend things, but it happens to some people, and no offence if you're happen to be one of them. This a note to myself to stay compose supaya tidak jadi gila semula. Anyway,i've been listening to this track by Jay Chou for few days. A sombre one,but i dont feel the sadness while singing,which is so unlike me. Adakah saya suda sot? Hm..My tongue get twisted singing the song, that's when i know my mandarin gagal dengan cemerlang suda.

ru guo yao zuo qing ni ji de wo ru guo nan guo

qing ni wang liao wo

I think i need another weekend gateway, dad too.

While i was away..

This morning, i had a long conversation with dad in the car. Something had happened for the past few months and i only been told about the details today,while dad been told yesterday! It's too personal to share, but i know this shit happens in some family, so it's not a big fuss for you to know anyway.

-To You-

I know you dont even know the existence of this blog penned by your sister, but if you've miraculously found it, i just want you to know that me and dad are devastated by the decision that you've selfishly made. Don't come to us in 10 years time and says you regret doing it, you should've known the aftermath better. Despite of all these, we still love you as always. Me and dad will help you to get through the shits from 'them' which is about to come in near time, at the same time, i hope you'll open your eyes to see how this family that you've put behind works as your support system, something that you'll never get elsewhere. -end- **Anyway, i've been swamped by lots of lurrvve for the past few days, this news however balance my current emotions; I'm neither sad nor happy. So no worries.**

The reason why i cant be sad now!

This post is made for a purpose and only certain people will get the points. When my mum died of cancer 7 years ago, her death is a great grief to us. It was only 2 months after we moved to KK; at times when me and the rest of my siblings trying to fit in into the new place, new school. Can you imagine how chaotic my life was? I dont think you can! After she died, distant families, my aunts, uncles, and the rest blood-related relatives come to us and comforting us in the best way that they can. I am grateful to have that good support system. I was so messed up, was so blank, was so down, and it affects my body badly. The painful is larger than i can handle, i think. All the advices from families only last for 1 sec; i dont think they understand the pain, the advices they gave, sounded so typical. Like skema jawapan, precisely. Thus, when you are dealing with someone who has lost their loved one, dont dare telling them 'I undertand what you've been thru' unless, you have experienced one. We aint stupid ok. So when that's the case, I blocked anyone's advices. That's when i realize, no one can help me but myself. Being a catholic, i find peace in Rosary. It helps me, big time. The 7 days mourning period was great. I somehow, mend myself indirectly with prayers. Though i rarely attend mass (ya, i know preach me now), I am so grateful to be bless in this way. And i believe i am a stronger person ,ever since. If her loss is replace by this new found strength, then all the tears and pains are worth it. She would be proud, i know. 7 years has gone by. The rest is history. I am glad i survived. I have been into the darkest 'abyss', but i survived in the end. When you think you aint got any hope, you are wrong! Oh well, panjang betul. Anyway, save the sympathy to other people who needs it. I'm doing fine.

One of those days..

This week has been a hell for me. Emotionally disturbed, in short. Plus the workloads, i am restless. Totally! Let bygones be bygones. I dont want to recall those things anymore. In fact, I need to apologize to BF for my bad behavior towards him. He was indeed the real victim here. Well my bad, my mistake and i'm fully responsible for all the damage that i caused. And to those who has become my victim, indirectly, I'm sorry too.

On the name of love..

Only this line applied ~ Atas nama cinta, hati ini Tak mungkin terbahagi Sampai nanti bila aku mati Cinta ini hanya untuk engkau Atas nama cinta ku relakan jalanku merana Asal engkau akhirnya denganku Ku bersumpah atas nama cinta ~