Another happy pills

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." ****************************************************************** A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. ****************************************************************** Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" ******************************************************************** A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90 **************************************************** A married couple goes into a dentist’s office. The husband is in a big hurry. He says, “No expensive extras, Doc. No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.” “I wish more of my patients were as brave as you,” the dentist says. “Now, which tooth is it?” The husband turns to his wife and says, “Show him your tooth, honey.” ************************************************** A guy and a girl want to have sex. So they go to the girl's house and before entering her room, the girl stops and says, "My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing. So when I say, 'Baloney,' it means push harder, and when I say, 'Pastrami,' it means push softer." With this, the two get onto the top bunk and start having sex. First the girl moans, "Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!" Then she shouts, "Pastrami! Pastrami! Pastrami!" Then she switches back to, "Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!" Finally, the girl's sister yells, "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there? You're getting mayonnaise all over me!" Happy weekend peeps!