Oct 24, 2011

I view it differently

Upon reading Just post about this, it brings back memories of almost 13 years ago. Most of my friends know the fact that my mom had passed away due to cancer,and despite me writing down few posts in my blog about her, only few know the story behind it.

My late mom is a nurse, and even a nurse herself, she found out about the 50sen size of lump on her left breast quite late. She was 40. During that moment we were still in Lahad Datu, so mom and dad had to traveled to Tawau, the nearest hospital with such facilities for treatment. She went to operation and removed her whole left breast. When she returned home, she was never the same person anymore. I was 13-14, it was painful to not be able to do anything.

Fast forward, after the operation and months of healing process, i can see that she regained her old self back. She had moved on with life, even start working again. Everything is good. Until a year later.

She went for post review after the operation, and Dr. mentioned her cancerous cell were spreading. She played it cool this time, she went for chemo treatments. I saw the physical changes of her after chemo, but as far as i can recall, she never complained. How difficult it must be for her to stay positive despite the pain that she faced, and to see us everyday, knowing it might be her last day with us. Anyway, i am glad she did that, coz it has left a profound impact on myself, especially at times of trial. She chose to stay optimistic and never give up.

She passed away peacefully on June 2001 at the age of 43. Only that time i know about how severe her cancer was. It was already spreading to the liver. I took me a week after her passing to say 'I am glad God ended her suffering', i believe in God's way although i seldom go to church.

The cancer had damaged my mom's body but never her strength. And that is the greatest legacy that she left us with. That attitude had shaped me to become who i am today.

Besides, i had a new perspective of death. I read a book about the prisoners during Pol Pot's era, they viewed death as 'a privilege' coz they rather be dead than be perpetually tortured. Similarly in a way, I believe God loves her more, so He took her to heaven and end her sufferings. While i was browsing the old album at home, i saw her funeral pictures and the image of her lifeless body in the coffin. I cant shed a tear anymore, i am just thankful it happened.

My late mom during her life, is a strong fighter, optimistic and always put her children first. Ma, although your time is short, you've taught us enough. You are always in our mind in everything we do.

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