Jul 11, 2008

Insecurity is my middle name..hah!

And i do not kid you when i say that. I believe those who know me in real life will be surprise to read this. I've googled some info about feeling insecure, and i come across this which is quite similar to what i face with.
Joyah (bukan nama sebenar) recently fell in love, and although everything was going smoothly between her and her partner, Joyah felt insecure about the relationship. She dreaded the day that it would end and was always worried about their future together. Whenever she received a complement from her partner she assumed he didn't mean it and thought to herself: "I'm sure he's lying."
This is exactly i feel when i receive any compliments from him. Weird thing is, i open heartedly accept all compliments from my friends but NOT him. And why does this happen?
Feelings of insecurity in relationships are mainly due to not being sure of one's self, looks or anything else you consider important. You just don’t feel that you are good enough for your partner and so you always think that he/she will be looking for someone to replace you.
True. The only way of keeping him to myself is to be perfect. I want to be a perfect partner for him, i want to be the best-est among other girls that he used to be close with. But with this mountain-high-enough hope which i think is larger than my ability, i tend to feel inferior: "Others can do it, how cant you?", "Are you that weak?" etc etc..hate it when it happen.
And how to overcome this?
1. Buiding self confidence: Sometimes the problem is with an aspect other than self image. It may be that a lack of self-confidence is the root of your feelings of insecurity. You don’t trust your ability to retain someone's love for a long period of time, and so fear that your partner will suddenly decide to leave you.
True, and that's what drive me to be perfect thus minimal chances of letting me go. Who dont want a perfect partner anyway? But ya, i need to gain the self confidence rather than doing something larger than what i'm capable of.
2.Remove the inferiority: Perhaps one of the strongest reasons that can make someone distrust his abilities is feeling inferior when compared to other people.
If ur partner have ex or ex-es before, it kills you everyday thinking: "Am i better than his ex?", "Does he find me pretty than her?", "Does he loves me more than his ex?" etc etc. In this case, i know i am much more better than the previous-es. *minta puji mode, ignore her*. And guys,if you know ur parther has self inferior, do not ever talk about other girls/Angelina Jolie/playboy mates in front of your partner, UNFILTERED. You know what i mean.
I've come clean and told you about my weakness, being insecure it is. And i know how it will affect the relationship if i dont confront it and make peace with it. Ya, it's very tough, but no one promise me life would be easy. I know there are lots of women/men out there who are of the same shoes as me, and by admitting "I am feeling insecure with..." is already a big, positive step. In fact, we are not going to solve any problem unless we admit there is a problem right? Haih,i sound like my grandma already. End of theraphy session. Yeay!

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